Love, Not So Simply Enough

A Poem by K.J. Westley

Love is the cause of my anguish and my excitement.

Love is the cause of my despair and my delight.

Love is the cause of my pessimism and my optimism.

For something as trivial as an abstract noun,

Intangible,

It wields a power greater than the sharpest sword

Or strongest chains.

Love defines me.

Love is the reason behind why I do what I do.

The ever-changing tide of emotion

That sways this way and that,

It catches you when you least expect it

And doesn't let go.

Few things are more influencing than the power of love.

I'd die for love.

I'm constantly in a state of altering feelings,

One moment happy

And the next depressed.

The greatest thing about love is that

It's the greatest feeling imaginable,

Simply put.

Being in love is honestly the best thing in the world.

But the worst thing about love is that the one you love

Does not always love you back.

And that's worse than torture.

Still my favorite

For the past 3 nights in a row, I've watched Disney's Pocahontas. And it's about the 6th or 7th time I've watched it in the past couple of weeks. Now you have to understand, this is the first time I've watched Pocahontas in years. I mean YEARS. I honestly don't remember the last time I watched the whole thing like this. And I love it every single time. I can't get enough of it. When I was little, this movie was my absolute FAVORITE. I had Pocahontas clothes, Pocahontas toys, Pocahontas hair accessories, books, costumes, little odds and ends, everything. I even had a Pocahontas birthday with a fabulous birthday cake - the icing was like a river running through a forest, and there were action figures of Pocahontas in a canoe and other things on top of it. Dare I say it, I was obsessed. But I kind of lost interest, as most kids do when they grow up, and only in the past few years have I started revisting the old Disney movies again. They're all fantastic, but this was the first time I'd gotten around to Pocahontas, like I said, in years. I was literally spellbound. It's understandable why this movie captivated me so much as a little kid, but I have to say, I probably appreciate it more now. It's such an incredible story, full of romance, action, suspense, adventure, and comedy, not to mention a wonderful soundtrack. I'm honestly struggling to find the words to describe it. It's very grown-up for a Disney movie, meaning older kids and adults can really appreciate what's going on. Little kids, like I was, will like the surface things: the colorfulness, the funny parts, the songs, and even the love story. But now, as a nineteen year old, I can watch this movie and genuinely love it as a movie. I know now why it's my favorite Disney movie, even if I didn't realize it when I was little. It really is such a great story and a well put together movie. Even if it is animated. Just go back and watch it. It's on youtube - that's how I found it. See what I mean. There is a lot to appreciate in that movie once you're older. I wish I could find better words to describe it. Maybe just saying that I've watched it 3 nights in a row and still want to watch it again is good enough.
-♥- Angela

I think it's funny...

I've finally picked up writing again for the first serious time in a couple of years at least, working on the third book in my trilogy. There are a few things I've noticed that I think are kind of funny. For one, my characters in these books have basically developed their own personalities. Sure, I had a little bit of direction to begin with, but I had never from the start planned them out. Their individual (and distinct) personalities have arisen just out of my writing and stuck with them. Now I can look at them and tell you what each one is like, but they basically formed themselves. Another thing is how each character has a different part of me. I didn't realize it and didn't intend it, but each one of the major, recurring characters has a personality trait of mine. Somehow, I put a little bit of myself into each one. And for this too, I can go back and see how my personality has ended up in them, but I definitely didn't plan it from the start. By reading my books, you can discover more about me that most people would otherwise be able to. Just thought that was interesting.
-♥- Angela

Focusing Inward

Lately I've been trying to learn to be happy with my life, to accept what I have and don't have, to be content. Naturally, it's harder than just saying that. There are so many things in life that I want, that I want desperately, that I don't understand why I can't have. But then I take a step back and think about how much I have that a lot of people in this world don't. I'm lacking in a lot of things by American cultural standards, but not in world cultural standards. And that's one thing I have to always remind myself.

I've felt true suffering, been through true despair, and it was nothing shy of terrible. I've had my share of real difficulties for sure, and I've dealth with the utter agony of heartbreak. But once again, if I just look at other people in this world, even people I know, and I pay attention to what they're going through and have gone through, I'm blessed. Granted, life has not been easy. It's hardly been more than bearable sometimes (and occasionally not even that) and so many things have turned out in a way that I didn't want, but then again, I'm not the only one, and I haven't felt suffering like some people have felt. Learning not to feel sorry for myself is huge, and I'm definitely still working on it. There are so many things in life to make it easy to feel sorry for myself. But that's just selfish.

So the point? I'm fine. Even if I see friends and other people happy with things and relationships that I don't have but want, I need to always tell myself that I could be a lot worse off. So many other things could be wrong in my life that would make me laugh at my problems now. And no matter what, God is always in control and is working things out for my best interest, even if it doesn't seem like it right now. I have to stop feeling sorry for myself, I have to stop wanting things I don't have. Doing that won't change anything. You never know, what I really want may come along when I least expect it.

-♥- Angela

An escape

So this is new for me. I'm not really sure if I'll keep this up, or how often I will, but I like the idea right now. So many times I want to just express what I'm feeling but I can't find an easy way to do it. I hope this will be the escape I've been looking for. You may read this, you may not. Either way, it doesn't really matter. As long as I write and I know it's out there, I'll be satisfied. Of course, I'd prefer you to read it, or else I wouldn't write it at all :). Regardless, I promise there will be some exciting things in store. Thanks for reading. -♥- Angela