Lately I've been trying to learn to be happy with my life, to accept what I have and don't have, to be content. Naturally, it's harder than just saying that. There are so many things in life that I want, that I want desperately, that I don't understand why I can't have. But then I take a step back and think about how much I have that a lot of people in this world don't. I'm lacking in a lot of things by American cultural standards, but not in world cultural standards. And that's one thing I have to always remind myself.
I've felt true suffering, been through true despair, and it was nothing shy of terrible. I've had my share of real difficulties for sure, and I've dealth with the utter agony of heartbreak. But once again, if I just look at other people in this world, even people I know, and I pay attention to what they're going through and have gone through, I'm blessed. Granted, life has not been easy. It's hardly been more than bearable sometimes (and occasionally not even that) and so many things have turned out in a way that I didn't want, but then again, I'm not the only one, and I haven't felt suffering like some people have felt. Learning not to feel sorry for myself is huge, and I'm definitely still working on it. There are so many things in life to make it easy to feel sorry for myself. But that's just selfish.
So the point? I'm fine. Even if I see friends and other people happy with things and relationships that I don't have but want, I need to always tell myself that I could be a lot worse off. So many other things could be wrong in my life that would make me laugh at my problems now. And no matter what, God is always in control and is working things out for my best interest, even if it doesn't seem like it right now. I have to stop feeling sorry for myself, I have to stop wanting things I don't have. Doing that won't change anything. You never know, what I really want may come along when I least expect it.
-♥- Angela
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